A winner is not afraid to do his own thinking and so to use his knowledge. He can separate facts from opinions and doesn't pretend to have all the answers. He listens to others, evaluates what they say, but comes to his own conclusions. While he can admire and respect other people, he is not totally defined, demolished, bound or awed by them.
A winner does not play 'helpless' nor does he play the blaming game. Instead he assumes responsibility for his own life. He does not give others a false authority over him. He is his own boss and knows it.
A winners timing is right. He responds appropriately to the situation. His response is appropriate when it is related to the message sent and preserves the significance, worth, well being, and dignity of the people involved. He knows that for everything there is a season and for every activity a time.
A winner learns to know his feelings and his limitations and is not afraid of them. His own contradictions and discrepancy do not stop him. He knows when he is angry and can listen when others are angry with him. He can give and receive affection. He is able to love and be loved.
To a winner time is precious. He lives it here and now. Living in the now does not mean he foolishly ignores his own past history or fails to prepare for his future. Rather, he knows his past, is aware and alive in the present and looks forward to the future.
A winner can be spontaneous. He does not have to respond in predetermined, rigid ways. He can change his plans when the situation calls for it. A winner has zest for life. He enjoys work. play, food, other people, and the world of nature. Without guilt he enjoys his own accomplishments. Without envy he enjoys the accomplishments of others.
Although a winner can freely enjoy himself, he can also postpone enjoyment. He can discipline himself in the present to enhance his won enjoyment in the future. He is not afraid to go after what he wants but does so in appropriate ways. He does not get his security by controlling others. He does not set himself loose.
A winner cares about the world and its people. He is not isolated from the general problems of society. He is concerned, compassionate and committed to improving the quality of life. Even in the face of national and international adversity, he does not see himself as totally powerless. He does what he can to make his world a better place.
Losers:
Although people are born to win, they are also born helpless and totally dependent on their environment. Winners successfully make the transition from total helplessness to independence, and then to interdependence. Losers do not. Somewhere along the line they begin to avoid becoming self- responsible. A loser seldom lives in the present. He destroys the present by occupying his mind with past memories or future expectations.
When the loser lives in his past. He dwells on the good old days or on his past misfortunes. Nostalgically, he either clings to the ways things "used to be" or bemoans his bad luck. He feels sorry for himself and shifts the responsibility for his unsatisfactory life on to others. Blaming others and excusing himself are often part of his game.
A loser represses his capacity to express spontaneously and appropriately his full range of possible behavior. He may be unaware of other options for his life if the path he chooses goes no where. He is afraid to try new things. He maintains his own status quo. He is a repeater. He repeats not only his own mistakes; he often repeats those of his family and culture.
When a person is being a loser, he is not using his intellect appropriately. He is misusing it by rationalizing and intellectualizing. When rationalizing he gives excuses to make his action seem plausible. When intellectualizing he tries to show others with his verbiage (use of arguments and language). Consequently, much of his potential remains dormant, unrealized and unrecognized. Like being something he isn't meant to be.
Few people are total winners or losers. Most of them are winners in some areas of their lives and losers in others. Their winning or losing is influenced by what happens to them in childhood. A lack of response to dependency needs, poor nutrition, brutality, unhappy relationships, disease, continuing disappointments, inadequate physical care and traumatic events are among the many experiences that contribute to making people losers. Such experiences interrupt, deter or prevent the normal progress towards independence and self- actualization. To cope with negative experiences a s child learns to manipulate himself and others. These manipulative techniques are hard to give up later in life and often become set patterns. A winner works to shed them. A loser hangs on to them. Some losers speak of themselves as successful but anxious, successful but trapped, or successful but unhappy. Others speak of themselves as totally beaten, without purpose unable to move half dead. A loser may not recognize that for the most part, he has been building his own cage and digging his won grave, and is a bore to himself.